This is another blog in the series of my thoughts and experiences gained from my therapy practice which highlights emotional “avoidance” techniques:

‘Seeking perfection’ is a misguided aspiration I frequently encounter when working with clients on their personal belief systems. I believe, in some circumstances, it can be an example of the misunderstandings promoted by the Ego (1) as it attempts to protect us from acute painful emotional feelings. These feelings may result from a current situation or an emotional projection into the future, whereby we anticipate negative events or consequences.

Feelings created from a current situation are typically as a result of emotional avoidance and the subsequent negative effect on personal self-worth and authentic potential. Future projection is usually based on previous negative (sometimes childhood) emotional experiences, which have left us with a deep and painful emotional ‘scar’. In this instance the Ego mind then becomes ‘programmed’ to avoid any situations that may evoke a recurrence of this extremely negative physiological sensation.

Avoidance can manifest in many forms, which I will continue to discuss in future blogs. One of the avoidances I have identified concerning future projection is ‘seeking perfection’, highlighting the misunderstanding that; if everything that we do is perfect, or everything was perfect, then painful negative physiological emotions will be not generated. The perceived benefit being that we then don’t have to experience emotional pain or suffering, now or in the future.

The generic label I use to describe the immensity of these powerful negative emotional feelings is, ‘the feeling of fear’, however, I fully understand that this or any other phrases do not convey the enormity of the physiological sensations personally being experienced.

In my professional experience the misunderstanding of ‘seeking perfection’ can have many sources or root causes.  A typical scenario could result from an individual being heavily criticised as a child and so the generic label of ‘the feeling of ‘fear’ would be more accurately described as ‘the feeling of being criticised or judged’. Of course there may be many other factors at the root, such as: feeling unloved, unlovable, unwanted and unimportant, feeling relegated in a parent’s affections, feeling jealous of a sibling etc.  The emotional label used will reflect the nature of the circumstances which created the original physiological sensations.

Our first experiences of these acute emotional feelings may have occurred as early as six or seven years old. It is around this time when the sensitivity of our emotions is developing and for a very sensitive child this could be ahead of their psychological rational and reasoning powers.

I would also like you to consider that ‘seeking approval’ for our actions and words can be included within the same misunderstanding and that; if others agree and approve of our actions and words, we won’t have to deal with the acute negative emotional feelings that can arise from experiencing the disagreement or scorn of others.

My understanding has grown to be that ‘seeking perfection’ and / or ‘seeking approval’ is actually an avoidance strategy. The roots of this avoidance can frequently be traced back to the childhood situations and events that created the original painful and hurtful emotional feelings. Addressing such acute physiological sensations in a mature way is difficult when we are very young because we lack emotional education, so an ‘immature’ avoidance strategy develops.

Undoubtedly when we were children this avoidance helped alleviate some of the immediate physiological discomfort. Over time however this childhood coping technique has surreptitiously been buried deep into our Yin mind (2) and so its origins may never have been addressed, matured, re-evaluated or developed by us as adult.

So, using the above example, it is very natural and authentic for a child to seek love and approval from their parents and if they perceive that this is not forthcoming, for whatever reason, they can sometimes develop a strategy to obtain that love and approval and avoid any extremely negative physiological sensations associated with feeling rejected, unloved, worthless etc.

The psychological imbalance resulting from this avoidance strategy often only begins to appear and increase later on in life, when as adults our life situations are still being (mis)interpreted and acted upon from an immature Yin mind and belief system. Continual avoidance of negative physiological sensations means our emotions become more difficult to balance. This is not conducive for reasonable, rational and mature decision-making to take place and it actually increases the ‘feeling of fear’ rather than diminishing it. This is not only paradoxical but very confusing for us and affects our self-worth and confidence levels on a very fundamental personal level.

This avoidance strategy becomes a perverse ‘Ego circle’ (3) within our subconscious mind that we perceive to be impenetrable and unbreakable and so we habitually depend on our immature ‘Yin mind’ to resolve current life situations rather than employing a balanced, rational and mature way of thinking.

Over time this avoidance and confusion in our thinking can become habitual and slowly, almost unnoticed and certainly in most cases unchallenged, becomes an entrenched belief system.

So, although we may see no logical mature reason why we should work very hard to please people and seek perfection, indeed our mature ‘Yang mind’ (4) knows that perfection is unachievable and only a perception, our ‘Yin mind’ still has the power to override this logic as it seeks to protect us from any negative physiological emotional sensations we may encounter.

If you think this scenario may apply to you consider what I label the ‘I don’t know why’ answer, when asked a question similar to; “why do you do that?” or “why do you think that way?” would you reply “I don’t know why”? If you hear yourself replying or thinking this way you may have reached an emotional block. This needs to be explored to understand whether this is part of your mature belief system that can be logically articulated and justified, or an avoidance of perceived negative emotional feelings.

In my therapy practice I have observed that this confusion between what is a physiological response and what is a psychological response, and the resulting ‘cross-contamination’ of the two, can also manifest in more obvious physical health symptoms such as; weight problems, headaches or migraines, IBS, ulcers, sleep disorders, skin disorders, etc. This may be one of the reasons why some Western medical treatments do not always work well as they fail to identify the underlying cause of the health problem and so treat the wrong imbalanced energy.

So, in conclusion, always try to distinguish the difference between the description of a physiological feeling, and a mature, logical and developed personal belief. Be mindful of your actions and thoughts, and any Ego circles that you may have created to ‘avoid’. Focus on and identify the greater ‘feeling of fear’ that you are attempting to avoid. Trust that Ego circle avoidances will become extinct when you learn appropriate techniques to address and neutralise them. You can then return to a more authentic path towards your true self-worth and potential.

Be mindful not choose short-term self-comfort over long-term aspirations of self-worth!

Meditate and consider the following:

Do you seek perfection or approval? What is the origin of this misunderstanding?

Do you hear yourself using the “I don’t know why” answer? Are you aware of the ‘energy’ blockage that this represents?

Do you ever sacrifice self-worth over self-comfort? What is the ‘pay-off’ of doing this?

Some affirmations:

I am perfect.

I am in full control of balancing and harmonising my personal energy.

I address challenging emotional situations with calmness and compassion and gain insight and inner strength from this process.

Every emotional challenge is a step towards my true self-worth – I will not deviate from my authentic path of love and potential.

——————————————————————————————-

(1)    ‘Ego’ is a term I use to describe the mind being ‘out of balance’ or ‘inauthentic’. This does not relate to the Freudian terminology.

(2)    ‘Yin mind’ is a term I use to describe the subconscious.

(3)    ‘Ego circle’ is a term I used to describe the negative cycle of avoidance thinking that seems unbreakable.

(4)    ‘Yang mind’ is a term I use for the conscious mind.

~  Nature shows us that perseverance allows for transformation so that we may reach our true potential  ~

The process of Tao self-development encourages you to master an emotional “toolbox” that will serve you well on your journey towards your true authentic potential and help you reveal and embrace Universal lessons that are presented to you en-route.

This toolbox of personal insights, habits and beliefs is not passed to you as a birth-right, nor were you necessarily taught the appropriate emotional skills from your parents, guardians, teachers or peers when you were a child.

Sadly this means you may often struggle with your emotions as an adult, and I believe this is why so many people suffer from health issues such as stress, anxiety and depression and their associated physical health problems later in life.

One principle of Tao self-development that I would like you to consider is:

Emotional pain is ‘human centred’ and is not the Universal lesson.

Powerful emotional feelings and pain are similar to a red warning light flashing on the dashboard of your car: they tell you that there is a deeper, more profound Universal lesson to be learnt and understood within the energy you are experiencing. Another way of considering this is by viewing emotional pain as a ‘doorway’ you must occasionally encounter and walk through to fully experience the Universal lesson presented.

You may not have the emotional knowledge or education to deal with and ‘neutralise’ these very powerful negative physiological feelings, or you may be unable to understand and receive the Universal lesson and teaching at that time. When this happens it may seem reasonable and justifiable to protect yourself against this emotional pain and discomfort both now and in the future by creating methods of avoidance and diversion.

But be warned… this is a misunderstanding!

Doing this sets up a negative pattern of emotional avoidance that diminishes your self-worth and diverts you from your authentic potential onto a circuitous path of repeatedly being confronted by the same Universal lessons until they are eventually understood.

If you focus all your energy on evading uncomfortable emotional and physiological feelings, which you wrongly perceive to be the ‘Enemy at the Gates’, this avoidance can firmly take root. It can then become very difficult to replace this habit with a healthier, more appropriate and authentic way of working though emotions in a calm and balanced way.

I work with my clients to teach them three key steps to deal with emotional pain and any habits of avoidance (the ‘power of three’ comes up time and again in Taoist teaching). This is what I call my A – B – C of emotional education:

1.  Acknowledge the original emotional pain. This is the first step which will help you begin to explore and understand and learn the lessons that were originally offered to you.
2. Break the avoidance habit that has formed. Sometimes ‘avoidances’ can be in operation without you realising and you may mistakenly believe this pattern of behaviour is your authentic way. You may need to play detective to locate and spend time unravelling the avoidance techniques that you have built around your emotional pain.
3. Create new habits of confronting and learning. Enjoy developing new empowering, healthier and more authentic methods of responding to emotional pain or uncomfortable feelings caused by unfamiliar or challenging situations or energies. Reassure your subconscious Ego mind, which invariably tries to protect you from pain by creating avoidances, that this best and only way to proceed in the future!

For lasting emotional education it is important to address each of these three steps in turn.

Don’t attempt to ‘force’ new habits into place without truly accepting and embracing why you are doing so or else the subconscious Ego will still believe that it’s working in your best interests by avoiding.

Be kind to yourself. Remember it is counter-intuitive and unhelpful to chastise yourself for any past misunderstandings of emotional protection and avoidance.

Be patient with yourself. Allow time for the ‘transformation’ of any old emotional avoidance habits and beliefs and for any necessary emotional healing to occur. The word ‘transforming’ is one often used in Taoist teaching: imagine a bulb germinating quietly underground during the cold dark winter months – no change may be apparent yet, given the correct environment and time, it bursts into life. The Universe embodies transformation and real change is always possible.

Persevere when the going gets tough! You’ll often find yourself working at nurturing your self-development and devising new healthy habits when you’re somewhat removed from the ‘emotional heat’ of the original challenging or fearful situation. It can however be incredibly challenging to steadfastly hold onto these new habits of thinking and doing when confronted with the learning situation again, especially the first three or so times. This is when the Ego may tempt you back to your old ways as it tries to protect you from emotional pain and upset.

Be mindful to always choose self-worth over self-comfort…

Take courage and remember the Universe is on your side!

Demystifying Self-Pity

“One of the most damaging emotions is ‘self-pity’”

I recently published this quote on Twitter and because of the interest and comments it generated I thought it merited further exploration…

The emotional energy associated with self-pity is one of the most destructive energies I encounter as a therapist. It can contaminate self-perception into ‘victim mode’ and in extreme circumstances can lead to physical self-harming.

Self-pity is a psychological state of mind often found within an individual who perceives they are in an adverse situation. They have not accepted the situation and feel they lack the confidence or ability to cope with it or move on from it. They may also believe they are the victim of events and are therefore deserving of condolence.

Self-pity is generally regarded as a negative emotion in that it does not help an individual practically or emotionally deal with adverse situations or Universal lessons. In a social context it may, however, result in either the offering of sympathy or advice which can be perceived as a perverse benefit.

Self-pity can also be remarkably self-sustaining, particularly when coupled with feelings of depression or other extreme emotional conditions. To give an example of this: a child at school feels badly because they perceive others as more sociable or outgoing. If the child does not take action by attempting to get to know its peers despite potential negative consequences (such as rejection) then they may continue to feel alone and their feelings of self-pity will be sustained and increase.

Self-pity is a perverse way of paying attention to oneself; it is a means self-soothing or self-nurturing (“I hurt so much“). Social Learning theorists purport that self-pity is a method for gaining attention, probably as a child, where an individual received attention, support and nurturing while being sick or hurt. The child then grows up having learned to give attention to themselves or seeking attention from others while in real or dramatized distress in order to receive the same payoff.

Self-pity is a very human emotion as I think this beautiful short poem by D. H. Lawrence illustrates:

I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself.

A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough

without ever having felt sorry for itself.

As with all forms of emotional extremes self-pity is only one possible response to emotional feelings being created when encountering a profound Universal lesson. To release oneself from a mind-set of self-pity it is imperative to first identify whether this emotional label is a description of a feeling or instead is a reflection of a misguided core belief (e.g. “there is something ‘wrong’ with me that warrants pity”). To do this one should explore the energy of the situation.

Understanding the ‘Emotional Energy’ of a Situation

Self-pity can be understood as an energetic response a challenging life situation.  Although extremes of any emotional energy can be painful and potentially destructive they can also be used positively in understanding the whole energy involved. This applies to both new and old recurring life lessons.

Feeling self-pity is the ‘red warning light’ that offers an opportunity of engagement and harmonising to a Universal lesson. This reminds me of a profound Taoist teaching:

‘Your greatest strength is a weakness,

Your greatest weakness is a strength!’

To view ‘self-pity’ as one extreme response within the broader ‘energetic pendulum’ of all possible responses to a life situation can also be helpful in changing one’s perception and neutralising the ‘red light’ intensity of emotional feelings.  It can allow one to confront, address and learn from the original Universal lesson in what I refer to as an emotionally mature – ‘Tao nature’, way.

I believe the emotional pendulum may look something like this:

All forms of emotional avoidance can seem momentarily easier or comforting yet this is unsustainable and unhealthy. The balanced ‘Wu-Wei Way’ involves confronting what are perceived as even more painful and difficult emotional feelings or situations.

Avoidance into the extremes of the energy may seem the lesser of two evils but nothing could be further from the truth! Universal lessons should always be confronted and neutralised or they will simply re-present themselves again and again.

These missed Universal lessons could stretch back into childhood and my professional experience shows the ages of 6 – 12 years are relevant in the formation of these misunderstandings. At this age profound learning situations can be presented that have a dramatic effect on personal feelings. It is necessary to have the emotional education or support to be able to understand the lesson and balance the energy. Without either it can seem easier to blame yourself, or others, as a way of avoidance and easing the ‘pain’. I refer to this energetic response as a ‘Yin Imbalance’.

Although the avoidance may have helped the original situation by giving some emotional relief this happens at the expense of self-worth. This coping behaviour slowly becomes habitual and the issue originally being avoided seems ever more impenetrable and fearful. Self-pity then becomes the lesser of two evils and therefore a perverse benefit. After a while the choice not only becomes habitual but also somehow comforting as it slips into the core belief system. This is when the ‘Ego circle’ is formed and the belief is owned as natural, or “the way I am”.

No energy (physical, emotional or spiritual) can ever be maintained or held in its extreme thus the extreme energy of self-pity can often quickly and easily swing out of balance in the other direction and (re)present as the opposite behaviour: aggression, bullying and blaming others. I refer to this energetic response as a ‘Yang Imbalance’.  This too is a form of avoidance, albeit one that is more difficult to identify.

So what is the appropriate and authentic energetic response?

The central balanced position of the energy, what I refer to as the ‘Wu-Wei Way’, is based around acceptance.

Embracing Acceptance

When experiencing energetic extremes, acceptance can wrongly be perceived as a ‘weak’ way out, almost like being a ‘doormat’ or allowing oneself to be ‘walked over’ by life. This could not be further from the truth.

Great strength and alignment with the Universe lies in acceptance. It enables energetic flow and growth towards one’s authentic potential and self-worth.

Acceptance does not imply being a ‘victim’ or believing that everything/everyone is against you personally. The acceptance I refer to means:

• Embracing a life journey that does not always flow within perceived comfort zones, or to our personal liking, or without emotional upsets;
• Knowing that our life path will not always follow a course that may be considered ‘fair’ or ‘just’;
• Recognising that Universal lessons will always present themselves and when they do there is likely to be an emotional ‘red light’ attached to the situation.

Acceptance is an unbelievably empowering first step on the road to personal transformation.

Practical Steps for Personal Transformation

As part of my professional therapy work around the issue of ‘self-pity’, the following are some practical steps I recommend to my clients (note. I use the Taoist ‘Power of Three’ principle here again):

1. Recognise that the ‘label’ of self-pity has moved you from your Tao nature and authentic potential and that you are fully responsible for transforming this situation.

2. Re-affirm your value. Make a pledge to yourself that from now on you will do things differently. Affirm to yourself: “I choose self-worth over self-comfort!” Repeat this affirmation (or a similar affirmation that feels more comfortable to you) three times and repeat again (in sets of three) as often as is necessary and especially when self-doubt creeps in.

3. Roll-up your personal-development sleeves up and get stuck into some life changing learning! Ask yourself the following question:

Is my feeling of ‘self-pity’ a description of a set of acute emotional and physiological feelings or it is a reflection of a more deeply rooted personal belief system? 

If it is a description of emotional/physiological feelings, you can then use a range of methods (including those I have described in earlier blog posts) to neutralise the intensity of these feelings. Remember: if a feeling is not ‘re-infected’ by negative self-talk it cannot last longer than 40 seconds! Once the feeling is neutralised this will then allow you the clarity of mind and personal energy to embrace the Universal lesson being offered in a Wu-Wei balanced way.

If it is part of a personal belief system, try what I refer to as the ‘self-talk’ test: ask yourself “Would I say this to a child?” If the answer is “no” (which it usually is!) then this may mean that a ‘corrupted’ and unhealthy core personal belief (maybe from childhood) is at play. Often, however, negative self-talk is more likely to be a self-justification of a habitual emotional avoidance rather than a personal belief system. This avoidance should be explored and addressed in a mature, authentic and balanced ‘Wu-Wei Way’, perhaps with the help of a therapist, to allow you replace this unhealthy habit with a new, empowering and more sustainable way of confronting your fears and learning situations.

~~~~~~~

Remember that every situation offers the opportunity for a greater Universal learning and spiritual and personal growth. Looking beyond emotional feelings and embracing the ‘lesson’ is the most important and life changing energy one can experience which both transforms and connects us to our self-worth and authentic potential.

Always Choose Self-Worth over Self-Comfort!

In my last Wu Wei Wisdom workshop at Peak House Practice I shared with my students the concept of the ‘power of three’, which is the most fundamental Taoist teaching I received from my Master in China and which is as relevant today in the West as it was in ancient China many thousands of years ago.

The power of three, or chicken foot as it’s sometimes called in China, has a great significance and insight within Chinese Taoist philosophy, however, this triad of energy is not only a Chinese concept as it’s been referred to in differing forms since ancient times, with many cultures, religions and philosophies attempting to define the ‘magic’ surrounding the number three and its relationship with the triads of mind- body- spirit or past-present-future.

In Taoism the Three Treasures or Three Jewels of compassion/love, modesty/simplicity, and restraint/humbleness are often described as basic virtues and discussed on several occasions in the classic Chinese text the Tao Te Ching.

Within traditional Chinese medicine practice the Three Treasures are also referred to as Jing, Qi and Shen, translated as essence, vitality, and spirit respectively – the energies cultivated through the practice of Qigong and Tai Chi.

The ‘powerful three’ I wish to focus on here, however, are Yin, Yang and Wu Wei, and their relationship with the energy and potential our lives…

An ancient teaching

I first encountered the concept of the chicken foot in China when asking my Taoist Master when would be the correct time to return home from my studies and, with a nonchalant shrug of the shoulders, he presented me with this unusual term.

It wasn’t until much later when receiving a teaching on Chapter 42 of the Tao Te Ching that I began to realise the significance behind this seemingly ‘throwaway’ phrase and how it relates to our modern world in a very powerful and profound way.

My own translation of the chapter is as follows:

The Tao

gave birth to the one;

the one gives birth to the two;

the two

gives birth to three;

the three gives birth to every living thing.

All things are based in Yin and carry Yang,

and are held together in the Qi of dynamic energy.

Therefore your greatest strength

becomes your greatest weakness.

The way you live, the way you die,

this is the fundamental teaching.

—

Stretching your perception and facing your fears

The beginning of this verse teaches the idea of accepting the mystery of the eternal Tao and the concept of blending and harmonising seemingly polar opposites and contradictory forces (Yin and Yang) to achieve a true singular harmonic energy vibration (Wu Wei) with the Universe.

Doing this apparently impossible task by shifting or broadening your perception allows you to grasp the reality that all energetic roots and origins are one of the same – everything is interconnected.

And so begins your journey into Taoism and the understanding that you cannot successfully protect or separate yourself from Source, or any ‘energetic’ encounter you are experiencing, whether it is the dynamic of your energetic relationship with an individual, situation or event.

In accepting this universal truth the fruitlessness of any emotional or physical ‘fight’ or ‘flight’, or other avoidance techniques you may have developed to bypass awkward, uncomfortable and fearful energetic situations, may become apparent.

The only ‘authentic’, way of being is therefore to confront and find the Wu Wei, the harmonious, balanced and centred way, through the energy field.

I spend much of my time working with my clients on this principle: teaching them how to face their fears and navigate the Wu Wei of life situations that are troubling them, allowing them to develop confidence and trust so that they may shine as individuals.

Embracing Oneness and navigating your Wu Wei

No one can fully explain the beauty or profoundness of the Tao in words as it vibrates on a higher energetic frequency (this is explained within the first lines of the first verse of the Tao Te Ching: ‘The Tao that can be talked about is not the true Tao. The name that can be named is not the eternal name.’). Yet by teaching that everything originates from a mysterious eternal source, which cannot be verbally explained, is perplexing to Western minds which always need an answer for everything!

Nevertheless, what you can understand and study is the The Way (Tao) of that source or Universal energy and attempt to align and harmonise with it, in the same way a sailing yacht harmonises with the sea currents, prevailing winds and weather conditions.

This fundamental teaching allows you to consider the challenging Taoist concept of Oneness or wholeness, and how a seemingly simple change in perception can dramatically and positively impact your daily life, thinking and core belief system.

We came from Source, we return to Source, therefore will we are Source.

(this is one of the fundamental ‘power of three’ Taoist teachings)

With this in mind,‘human-centred’ perceptions of good or bad fortune, right and wrong, just and unjust etc. cease to be important as now they can be perceived as only two extremes (Yin and Yang) of the same energy.

Focusing your attention on either of the two extremes, or only seeing the two extremes as possibilities, severely restricts your ability to make considered, rational and authentic judgements, and thus finding the harmonious balance within the energy you are encountering becomes ever more challenging.

This narrowly defined, human-centred perception of opposites also disengages you from the harmonious flow of Universal energy (Qi), limiting your potential and committing you to a life of imbalance, separation, stagnation and subsequent Ego justifications and excuses as to why you are ‘stuck in a rut’.

This is where the power of three comes to the rescue!

The harmonious ‘Tao-centred’ way is to consider the whole of the energy, from a perspective of Oneness, balance and harmony.

So, as verse 42 teaches, Yin and Yang are held together in the Qi of dynamic energy, and when in harmonious balance this is Wu Wei, and from Wu Wei everything exists and flows.

From the power of three to personal empowerment

When you embrace the whole of the energy of any given situation or event more harmonious and balanced judgements can be made and authentic outcomes achieved.

A teaching that I often give to my students which reinforces this concept is as follows:

With one option you have a problem,

With two options you have a dilemma,

With three or more options you have authentic choice!

I’m reminded of the idea of changing your perception and paradoxical thinking in the Dalai Lama’s response to someone’s lament of how sorry they were that he had lost his country. His reply was along the lines of “I may have lost my country, but I’ve gained the world”!

Such insights and teachings underscore your unique ability to change your thinking patterns and belief systems, and your ability to define and believe in other, sometimes unseen, outcomes.

In the midst of enormously difficult challenges it can be all too easy to wrongly perceive that there are no successful or authentic outcomes available, yet it’s during these times of great personal and emotional challenge that opportunities for dynamic life changes are presented for you to embrace, learn and grow.

I believe Taoism to be a spiritual not religious practice and these concepts gently guide our way through energetic situations and challenges as would a compass. In the same way it’s inappropriate to brag or ‘show off’ when your life is going well, equally you should not be downhearted when the challenges seem tough and unresolvable.

As the verse 42 highlights: your strengths become weaknesses and weaknesses strengthens so be mindful not to let your human-centred thinking fool you into believing any energy or situation will last, as nothing lasts, everything changes, transforms and flows.

This is The Way (Tao) of the Universe, embrace it don’t fight it! This insight and change in perception has the potential to dramatically affect the energy of your life. It’s the only verse in the whole of the Tao Te Ching that mentions ‘fundamental teachings’ so I understand it to be just that – an extremely important fundamental Taoist teaching.

As for my encounter with my Taoist Master, I realise now he was just empowering me (in his usual brusque Chinese way) to take responsibly and make my own authentic decisions…as we all should do!

—

Meditate and consider the following:

• Are you embracing life from a human centred or Tao centred perspective?
• How is this affecting your potential?
• When was the last time you were in your authentic Wu Wei?
• What did it feel like?
• What can you do today to reclaim that harmonious position?
•  Is there anything blocking your energetic flow right now?
• What are three (or more!) possibilities/outcomes of the life situation you are currently facing?

Some affirmations:

• I am a spiritual being having a human experience – I am Source.
•  I choose to follow my Wu Wei in all that I do.
•  I embrace life’s possibilities, both seen and unseen.
•  I am One with everything.

A reader recently posted the following comment on my blog in response my article ‘The Tao of Perfection’:

I struggle with the concept, in order to feel ”not good enough” then I must have experienced the feelings of “good enough or worthy”. My experience has been the opposite. I have felt “not good enough” all of my life until I started to change my thoughts, feelings and behaviours and then I had experiences of feeling good enough. Now I think I know this paradox but I did not know this until I experienced the other. Does this make sense? Please help me understand….

As you’ll appreciate this is a very challenging subject to teach, so I greatly value any reader’s personal experiences and insight on the subject. I thought it would also be helpful and inspiring for you to share our exchange, hence this additional blog post on the subject.

I was sad to read the negative feelings this lady experienced as a child. Many childhood and adolescence experiences and subsequent emotional feelings can have such a profoundly negative effect on your future self-worth and authentic potential, restricting and limiting your personal capability and happiness.

The point of my original blog post on this subject was to remind you to:

1. be mindful of the words you use when describing your emotional feelings, and
2. take time to consider what I call the whole of the energy of the situation you are presented with, which triggers these feelings.

Both these steps are essential for good emotional health housekeeping!

The ‘self-talk’ test

The description of ‘not being good enough’ is a phrase I hear regularly from my clients in my work as a spiritual coach and therapist at Peak House Practice, and I call these types of phrases ‘personal misunderstandings’.

To hold a perception of ‘not being good enough’, which is an extremely powerful negative statement of self-worth, it follows that you firstly need to have an intellectual understanding or reasoning as to what the feeling, position, or what I call energy, of ‘being good enough’ is.

This should be absolutely personal to you. It’s a fundamental misunderstanding to only judge yourself negatively by comparing yourself with someone else or their personal standards (either real or imagined). At some time in your life you must have experienced what it is to be ‘good’ and the feelings associated with this, or else how can you now reasonably judge yourself to be in a different (more negative) position now?

So, once you have pinpointed what it is to ‘be good enough’ and where you’re in relation to that energy right now, it’s then also helpful as part of this review process to contemplate the other extreme of the energetic pendulum, i.e. what ‘being too good’ or ‘being perfect’ (or any other expression which feels right to you), is like.

This process of examining the three parts or whole of the energy is my Taoist teaching, which relates to the ‘Power of Three’ (you can read more about this teaching here).

It can take practice and a little time to get familiar with mapping out your personal energetic pendulum (not good enough <– > good enough <–> too good/perfect), and the range of different feelings you’ve encountered in your life. It is, however, an extremely powerful and worthwhile exercise for your emotional wellbeing.

Are you dealing with feelings or beliefs?

If you’re able to complete the three part review of the whole of the energy of the situation then this indicates that you’re dealing with feelings. Your negative self-talk simply represents an inaccurate description of the uncomfortable or unfamiliar emotional and physiological feelings you’re experiencing right now.

This broader perspective allows you to appreciate these feelings for what they are: a red warning light telling you’re facing an unfamiliar learning situation. This realisation can be a real ‘Ah-Ha’ moment for you! It’ll free up your thinking and creative resourcefulness and, more importantly, your self-worth remains intact.  You’re now empowered to calmly, rationally and authentically deal with the situation or stimulus that has provoked the feelings and you’ll learn and grow as a result.

By contrast, if you struggle to complete the review task and can see no other parts of the energy beyond the negative self-talk of ‘not being good enough’, then this is a good indicator that you’re dealing with a more entrenched personal belief.

What was once an uncomfortable or unfamiliar feeling, left uncorrected over time, has now transformed into a corrupted belief based around a misunderstanding of your self-worth. When working with my clients I never underestimate the power and intensity of these untamed feelings, which I refer to as the ‘feelings of fear’, that have ability to corrupt an individual’s core sense of self and control their life.

By owning the personal misunderstanding of ‘I’m not good enough’ as a belief and not as an unfortunate/misguided description of your emotional/physiological feelings, you cannot begin to understand the whole of the energy. You wrongly identify your self-talk as a true and honest reflection of yourself, rather than merely an inadequate description of feelings triggered by the situation you’re confronting.

This negative belief can become the all-consuming focus of your attention, rather than the actual learning situation or stimuli. As a result you may never learn, grow and reach your authentic potential.

Let your mind not your emotions be your Master

My reader highlighted that this process of personal review didn’t happen in her situation. The view she had of ‘not being good enough’ was what she believed to be a true self-reflection rather than just an incorrect label of emotional feelings triggered by life situations and events.

Now that she’s shifted her thoughts, and in turn her feelings and behaviours, something changed and she feels good enough. So what happened?

By changing her thoughts my reader didn’t suddenly transform herself from being an inadequate person into someone who is adequate or good enough. She was always good enough! She simply never realised it until she began to handle her emotions differently. This enabled her to calmly explore through her mind and thoughts the wider energy of her perceptions about herself and her life, which then had had a positive impact on her feelings and behaviour.

My message is this: if left unchecked your emotions have the ability to run riot over your perceptions of reality and self-worth. The process of ‘emotional housekeeping’ I’ve outlined above will help ensure that you don’t let your emotional feelings dictate your thoughts, beliefs and personal potential, no matter how strong, unsettling and overwhelming they may seem at the time.

Negative self-talk such as ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘I’m unlovable’, ‘the world’s against me’, ‘nothing ever goes right for me’ etc., is far from a conscious, balanced or rational response to challenging or fearful situations you may find yourself in. This self-talk comes about when you let your emotions run wild. It’s the spontaneous, sub-conscious and irrational reaction the sheer intensity of the feelings you’re experiencing.

The key is to remember that your emotional feelings are perfectly natural and helpful. They tell you you’re encountering an unfamiliar learning situation. Every human being experiences them as part of their life journey or else how would anyone ever learn and grow?

Often when you say to yourself ‘I’m not good enough’ this can be your emotional child crying out for help and guidance on what seems to be an impenetrable emotional or practical situation.

Find your personal misunderstandings

So how do you unlock what may be many years of entrenched negative self-talk?

If after trying my self-talk exercise you find you’ve adopted ‘not being good enough’, or any other harmful self-talk phrase, as a personal belief, you’ll then need to play detective and locate the source of the original misunderstanding.

This means identifying the particular events, situations or circumstances that triggered the uncomfortable feelings, which you began to incorrectly identify as a negative statements about yourself (‘I’m not good enough’/’I’m unlovable’) or the world around you (‘the world’s against me’/’nothing ever goes right for me’).

You may have to dig deep here as this can often be related to something that you experienced at a very young age (often between the ages of 6 and 12 years old).

As a highly sensitive and creative child you may have used false, negative and harmful self-talk descriptions in response to unfamiliar and uncomfortable feelings. If you didn’t receive any emotional education or sympathetic understanding to address and neutralise these feelings, over time these misunderstandings slip into your personal belief system and become owned as ‘truth’ or ‘fact’. The result can be extremely detrimental to your self-worth and genuine potential.

Finding and unravelling the original misunderstanding connected to your self-talk can be a challenging to personally resolve. As a wonderfully sensitive and creative adult you’ll still experience powerful and sometimes overwhelming emotional feelings that can create a smokescreen of confusion and scream for your attention. Without effort, determination and self-discipline, this often means the original misunderstanding will lie unexplored for a lifetime. This is when it can be useful to find a trusted therapist to work with and support you on your journey.

Reconnect with your true Tao nature

I believe that, if left unchecked, negative self-talk phrases actually increase the intensity of the original feelings by creating a spiritual separation from your Tao nature and the Universe. In turn, this separation re-infects and maintains the uncomfortable emotional and physiological feelings, sometimes for years.

I’m so pleased that my reader corrected her misunderstanding and re-established the connection to her true Tao nature and oneness with the Universe, and I hope that this additional explanation deepens her understanding of the power of her emotions and her spiritual journey. You may have also struggled with the concept I presented in my original blog post on this subject and I hope this additional explanation has been useful.

In my therapy practice I have found Taoist teaching to be profoundly helpful in dealing with emotional wellbeing. In the case of negative self-talk it translates that if you cannot reflect upon and grasp the whole of the energy you are describing, and place your emotions within that energy, then this signals that inappropriate words are being used to describe emotional feelings.

With this understanding you then have the power and choice to make life-changing shifts in your thoughts and feelings, and free yourself from the shackles of inaccurate and limiting beliefs and perceptions.

So, use your emotions as an indicator, as you would your intuition or ‘gut feelings’. Allow them to tell you that your careful attention is required, but always let your rational mind be your master. This way you will remain harmonious, balanced, responsive, creative and authentic – what I refer to as living your life in your ‘Wu-Wei’ or ‘sweet spot’.

Remember:

Be mindful of your ‘self-talk’ as it’s a conversation with the Universe/Tao…

When you find yourself thinking unkind thoughts or criticising yourself, simply pause and ask yourself: “Would I say this to a child?” If the answer is ‘no’, and you authentically know it is harmful and untrue, then why would you say it to yourself?

Yi Tao Qi Tao.

David.

Trust is one of the most profound emotional energies that I encounter throughout my professional career and it forms a fundamental part my ‘Wu Wei Wisdom’ model of personal and spiritual development. In my client sessions and public talks and workshops I’m regularly asked: “how can I trust…?” (often in relation to uncertain future events)” and “how can I let go..?” (in relation of being less ‘controlling’ as individuals and also releasing old dysfunctional and negative thoughts and beliefs).

I’d like to explore from a spiritual Taoist perspective why difficulty in trusting is for many people a misguided method of self-protection; how a lack of trust is harmful to your self-worth and your personal and spiritual development; and what steps you can take right now to open yourself up to life’s opportunities through the process of trusting and letting go.

 The Wu Wei of trust and letting go

When you live your life within your balanced and harmonious ‘Wu Wei’, or your personal ‘sweet-spot’ of effortless-effort and ‘Oneness’ with the Universe, your innate ability to trust yourself and the abundance of the Universe can provide huge personal comfort, creativity and inner strength, propelling you on your journey to your true, higher potential.

So why is it that you often find yourself lacking in faith, feeling somehow ‘disconnected’ and struggling to control the uncontrollable?

The human-centred mind’s most basic momentum is towards a perceived benefit (which can often mean ‘self-comfort’ and ‘self-protection’). It’s therefore perplexing to understand why anyone would find it difficult to choose not to trust and not to let go, when in fact openness to, and alignment with, the Universe and being part of the flow of all nature will invite and attract so many positive possibilities and emotional sensations.

The explanation for this paradox is rooted within ‘emotional education’ and your ability to deal with your emotions in a positive and helpful way. Holding your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual energy on your harmonious Wu Wei sweet-spot can be extremely challenging. This is simply because you exist and thrive in a dynamic, ever-changing and evolving world where life’s light and shade, ups and downs, challenges and opportunities, can inevitably stimulate your emotions and knock your inner Wu Wei balance… that is, if you don’t know how to deal with your emotions appropriately!

 The energy of trust and letting go

When faced with real or imagined challenging life circumstances which provoke what I refer to at the ‘feeling of fear’ your ability to trust and let go can be destabilised and even swing your energy wildly out of balance, away from your Wu Wei sweet-spot.

Practical or emotional challenges that appear to be beyond your existing comfort zone can cause your ‘fight or flight’ mentality to swing into action. This is when it can seem advantageous not to trust or to refuse to let go of familiar and comfortable ways of thinking and acting, essentially as a means of protecting yourself. It’s almost as if you emotionally ‘batten down the hatches’ to weather an uncertain storm, but in doing so you sacrifice one of your most valuable navigation tools: your inner compass of trust and energetic connection to the Universe!

So how do you know when your personal energies of ‘trust’ and ‘letting go’ are out of balance?

You may already know you have difficulty balancing your ability to trust and the energy associated with letting go. At its most extreme level of imbalance you may even use the labels ‘control freak’, a ‘worrier’, or admit you are overly protective or guarded of your emotions.

Alternatively, your energetic imbalance may manifest itself more subtly.  Difficulty in balancing and harmonising the energy of trust can produce a wide range of emotional feelings and associated personal labels such as:

• lack of self-confidence or self-esteem
• anxiety (now labelled by Western healthcare professionals as ‘Generalised Anxiety Disorder’
• suspicion, doubt, uncertainty or hopelessness
• rejection, worthlessness
• restriction, rigidity, stubbornness
• being judgemental of yourself and others

These commonplace emotional feelings and their labels are born from a lack of trust in yourself and the loving and abundant nature of the Universe around you.

It’s important to recognise that all the emotional states and labels outlined above, whether extreme (Yin and Yang) or more subtle, are part of the same whole energy of trust. The key is to embrace the possibility of this dynamic spectrum of energetic possibilities, then plot where you believe you are currently positioned on this spectrum, so that you can then work towards to bringing your energy of trust back into its harmonious Wu Wei balance – in essence rediscovering your sweet-spot of trust!

Trust and the emotions

When I hear my clients use unsuitable or inappropriate emotional labels and forms of self-expression I’m always intrigued to explore both the origin and influence of these emotive terms. Very often they’re a symptom of a misinterpretation and subsequent misrepresentation of a range of physiological feelings they’re experiencing, and which have been triggered by an unfamiliar and/or challenging life situation or event.

Think about the labels you use to describe yourself and your feelings and the possible origin of these feelings. Are you (mis-)labelling feelings of internal imbalance or discomfort?

Often this can happen almost as a ‘quick fix’ means of avoiding or protecting yourself from uncomfortable emotional of physiological feelings and the stimulus that has provoked them. The problem is that avoiding rather than confronting both your feelings and the stimulus like this can be very harmful.

When you avoid your internal energy becomes introverted, blocked and stagnated and you effectively close yourself down, separating yourself from the Universe or Tao. It’s as if your powerful internal radio switches itself off, tuning out of the energetic airwaves filled with abundance and opportunity all around you.

It’s incredibly irrational and unnatural to disconnect yourself in this way; we are after all One with the Universe whether we like it or not. Acting ‘against the grain’ like this means you’ll still be left harbouring feelings of doubt, uncertainty, confusion and discomfort. When this happens it can seem like the only remedy is to reinforce your avoidance through false and powerfully negative justifications such as “it must be me”, “the world’s against me” etc., and in doing so your original avoidance can become very deeply entrenched indeed. You’re also effectively making a significant personal trade off: sacrificing your true authentic, Wu Wei centre path towards you self-worth and authentic potential. In essence you choose self-comfort over self-worth!

There’s no doubt that when your emotions run high and you feel uncomfortable, scared or frightened of the present and/or our future it can seem like the easier option to not trust, to close down, to withdraw, to reject new ideas or ways of thinking and doing, to seek control of yourself, others and the world around you. These emotions are very real and at their most potent can be very debilitating, so much so it can be can be very testing to neutralise and rebalance them, especially during challenging times in your life. This is particularly true during your childhood and adolescent years when your feelings are seemingly more intense and overpowering.

Trust and the Vow

For many people emotional encounters during their childhood or adolescent years may have severely tested their personal energy of ‘trust’ and, given a lack of maturity and emotional education or guidance, this energy will have been inappropriately managed.

You may have encountered unfamiliar or emotionally traumatic events in your early years that provoked a deluge of negative emotions and uncomfortable or painful physiological feelings (‘the feeling of fear’). Often the severity of these feelings generate thoughts that your out of balance Ego mind (as opposed to your balanced and authentic ‘Wu Wei’ mind) seizes upon and then reinforces through negative self-talk statements like: “I’ll make sure that will NEVER happen to me again” or “I’ll NEVER trust anyone again” – this is what I call ‘the Vow’.

Over time a personal vow or pact like this, which represents a misguided form of self-protection, can become a very dominant force within your life as it becomes deeply ingrained within your personal belief system. As an adult, the belief associated with your original interpretation of the historic traumatic or difficult incident is likely to be immature, outdated and redundant, yet you continue to embrace it as a reliable, safe, and ironically trusted, form of self-preservation and allow it to run your life without question. It’s almost like an antivirus programme within the inner workings of a computer, once your personal vow is installed as a belief within your inner hard-drive, you feel no need to interrogate its means or motives.

By keeping this outdated and unhelpful belief ‘current’ and active the process of mature and rational re-evaluation of the old negative emotional feelings and the events that provoked them is overlooked. Every time the belief is used and reinforced through your adult life (“I knew I should never have trusted him/her”; “there you go again, that just proves the world’s against me”; “that’s typical, I knew should never have expected/trusted that to happen” etc.) this actually reinfects and increases the intensity of the emotional feelings and pain rather neutralising it and so your desire to avoid any situations associated with trusting is reinforced. It becomes like a Pavlov’s dogs scenario, whereby even the anticipation of trusting or letting go equates to the possibility of increased intensity of emotional pain!

Emotional education and trust

So how can you reverse this process, unlock old beliefs, manage your emotions, and learn to rebalance your energy of trust and letting go?

The solution lies within emotional education, which is at the heart of my Wu Wei Wisdom model of personal and spiritual coaching and counselling.

Awareness is the first step.

Start to compile a list of:

• Your personal self-talk narrative
• Judgements you find yourself making against yourself, others, and the world around you,
• The emotive descriptions you use to describe/label emotional or physiological feelings you experience.

Now dig a little deeper and ask yourself:

• What are the personal experiences, both past and present, which have shaped your thinking and the beliefs that underpin it?
• Are your self-talk statements, judgements, and personal labels a mature, appropriate and helpful representation of/ reaction to, these life experiences, situations or stimuli?
• Are they moving you away from or towards your Wu Wei?

This can be challenging process and one which certainly requires time, patience, and perhaps the support of a trusted friend or counsellor. Remember its value – these issues have such a profound impact on your personal belief system and your life.

Part of the process of rediscovering your Wu Wei is to recognise, examine and authenticate your personal beliefs and subsequent emotional responses to life stimulus (either real or imagined) and fundamentally be able to discern between the two – i.e.:

1. Separate your emotional and physical feelings from the situation/stimuli that have provoked them, and then

2. Separate out the process of confronting (not avoiding!) and neutralising your emotions, so you may then calmly, creatively and authentically confront (not avoid!) the situation that provoked them.

All emotions should and must be acknowledged, not ignored or avoided. Their purpose is to highlight an energetic movement towards a learning situation. You should respond by thoughtfully and maturely evaluating the lesson offered by every life situation, allowing yourself time to readjust and realign your energy so that you may continue on you Wu Wei path of potential. This is the process of ‘emotional education’.

When your beliefs and cognitive reasoning are aligned with the vibration or flow of the Tao and Universe you’ll effortlessly move into a state of Wu Wei. Your resulting emotions will be harmonious, connected, congruous, balanced and well-adjusted, and in turn this reinforces and validating that an energetic match and flow has been achieved.

Conversely, when your beliefs and thoughts shift away from your Wu Wei and the Tao, your resulting emotions will feel intense, discordant, contradictory, perverse, disagreeable and painful or fearful. This also serves as an indicator that your energetic flow has been interrupted and an imbalance, avoidance or separation has been created.

It is paradoxical that your ‘human centred’ mind may consider emotional feelings as problematic, whereas your ‘Tao centred’ mind has the ability to rationally reflect on both emotional and physiological feelings, viewing them as helpful ‘red lights’ or ‘signposts’ that draw your attention and ultimately assist you in reconnecting to the Universe and your authentic Wu Wei.

When focussing on emotional energies such as ‘trust’ or ‘letting go’ contemplate whether these words and sentiments are in harmony with your authentic, higher nature, with Oneness, and the way/flow of the Universe. Certainly my understanding is that ‘trusting’ and ‘letting go’ is aligned with the Universal flow and my Tao nature and my physiological and emotional feelings support this view.

The energetic process I have endeavoured to clarify occurs in an instant (like a blink of an eye!) and so awareness and understanding of this process is essential as you cannot change what you don’t understand.

This considered revaluation of your belief system and emotional feelings will allow for more authentic and mature self-diagnoses that can result in instant and profound change in your personal energy and your life. I am grateful for the work of Bruce Lipton PhD in his ground breaking book the ‘The Biology of Belief’, where he outlines this natural energetic process in Western scientific detail. I would urge you to read his published findings and conclusions as confirmation of the ancient spiritual wisdom taught to me by my Taoist Masters many years ago.

My Wu Wei Wisdom model deals with the issue of self-talk and how it’s important to be extremely mindful when verbally describing emotional and physical feelings such as; “I don’t feel good enough” “I feel stupid” “I feel unlovable” “I feel like I can’t trust” “I feel weak” “I feel inadequate” “I’m the scared to let go” and so on.

The sheer negativity of these descriptions of emotional or physiological feelings is simply a reflection of the intensity of the feelings you’re experiencing. When you say “I don’t feel good enough“, in describing emotional feelings, over time you’ll come to believe that you are not good enough.

A very effective technique to consider if you are unsure whether you are using the appropriate or suitable emotional labels to verbalise the intensity of your emotional feelings, is to ask yourself:

‘Would I say this to my child?’

A scenario to consider would be as follows:

Your child is overlooked for a school play or event, they return home extremely emotionally upset and seemingly unable to cope with the ‘unfairness’ of the situation. Surely you would maturely reflect on the situation, examine the relevant information and then act appropriately, whilst all the while lovingly supporting your child? You would never respond to your child by saying “it’s because you’re not good enough!”

My proposition is this: if you wouldn’t say this to your child then why would you say it to yourself or your own inner child!?

The technique in dealing with trust and letting go is very much the same, reflect back into your adolescence and consider a pivotal time when trusting or ‘being let down’ created a powerful ‘feeling of fear’. Recall a time when someone or something you really trusted did not act or preform in the way you anticipated, predicted or expected. Maybe you consider you were treated unfairly or unjustly? Try and recall what your internal dialogue or self-talk was in response to that incident. What was your Vow?

All the techniques I have outlined above will help you shift your energy on a subtle but profound level, allowing you to reconnect to your Wu Wei and Oneness with the Universe.

Remember: we came from source; we return to source, we are source.

As my Taoist master once remarked, a baby does require contracts before entering this world; the energy and process of trusting and letting go is at the core of humanity and nature, which begs the question:

How can you not trust?

To mark national Acupuncture Awareness Week in the UK, this interview explores my therapy work with acupuncture and its vital role as part of the emotional and spiritual healing process.

You’ll learn:

• why not all acupuncture is the same ~ the different approaches to acupuncture in the West;
• why acupuncture is so powerful when combined with emotional counselling and coaching work;
• how the ancient Taoists viewed emotional and spiritual health and why they only consulted a doctor when they were in good health;
• and perhaps controversially… why acupuncture has never cured anyone!

 You can listen to the audio recording of this interview here:

Read the full interview transcript below:

Alexandra Lees: Acupuncture is now becoming recognised as an effective mainstream complementary therapy in the West.  If someone is choosing to try acupuncture for the first time it can be rather confusing as to which style of acupuncture would be best for them or which acupuncturist to consult. Are all forms of acupuncture essentially the same?

David James Lees: There are three main forms of acupuncture practised in the West: Five Element Acupuncture, Traditional Chinese Acupuncture, and Medical Acupuncture (often called Western Acupuncture), and there are important differences between these three approaches.

The form that has been practised in the UK the longest period of is Five Element Acupuncture. For a while this was the only type of acupuncture practised here and of course it’s still practised and is a very relevant part of the whole body of acupuncture work today.

Traditional Chinese Medicine acupuncture or TCM is, as the name suggests, a method that thousands of years old and was practised only in China until relatively recently. It came to the West when Chinese doctors started to leave China and practice more widely.

I studied at the College of Integrated Chinese Medicine in Reading for 4 years where they integrate the teachings of both Five Element Acupuncture and Traditional Chinese Acupuncture.

Five Element Acupuncture is more about working with what the Chinese call the ‘element’ of the individual, which can be one of five categories: fire, earth, metal, water or wood.

A Five Element Acupuncturist will treat the person in relation to what is called their CF or causative factor – this is essentially their underlying ‘root’ or ‘foundation’ element.

So, for instance, if a patient consults a Five Element Acupuncturist with a bad back the acupuncturist will normally aim to first diagnose the underlying CF or causative factor of that patient. Using this information they will then strengthen and rebalance the CF of the patient by using particular needle points related to that element.

This is done on the basis that, by treating the root or foundation causative factor of the patient, this will in turn indirectly resolve the presenting symptoms or ‘imbalance’ that caused the lower back problem.

By contrast, a Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioner will typically treat the presenting symptoms more directly. So if a patient with lower back pain goes to a Traditional Chinese acupuncturist they will needle points on the energy channel or ‘meridian’ that relates to the physical location of the pain.

When I observed the work my Chinese Masters and the Doctors in China one of the most important things I learnt was how they always treated the presenting symptoms as a priority. Although I’m trained in both Traditional Chinese Medicine and Five Elements Acupuncture I tend to predominantly use the TCM method in my practice.

So now if somebody comes to me with a painful arm, leg, back or neck, I will first of all treat those presenting symptoms to relieve the immediate physical discomfort and pain. Once I’ve done this I can then begin to look for any underlining cause or the weakness or deficiency in the patients Causative Factor, so that I can treat this ‘root imbalance’ to prevent the problem from reoccurring.

I often find that emotional issues such as stress and anxiety can aggravate or prompt the onset of many common physical health complaints and so this is where I use my talking therapies in tandem with the acupuncture to help with this.

The third form of acupuncture, and the type that most people receive when they go to a GP or physiotherapist in the UK, is what’s called Western Acupuncture or Medical Acupuncture. This focusses on the needling of smaller number of ‘trigger points’ to treat bad backs, shoulders, necks etc.

This form of acupuncture has now been taught in the West for the past few decades, mainly by doctors or physicians to other doctors or physicians, and you can learn these Medical Acupuncture trigger points and how to do a needle insertion in a relatively short period of time.

My observation is that Medical Acupuncture can be effective as a form of treatment for a limited range of physical health issues, typically those associated with muscular pain.

In China there’s a great saying that ‘diseases may be the same but the people suffering from them are different’.

I think this makes the case well for treating both the presenting symptom and the person and the particular approach of integrating TCM with Five Element Acupuncture, which is what I do regularly.

For me as a practitioner this essentially means dealing with the presenting symptoms first, which hopefully can be cleared up very quickly within one or two sessions. This then allows me to move on and explore the underlying reason as to why the treatment was needed in the first place. My analogy for this would be: making sure I put out the fire first before investigating what caused it!

—— 

AL: Within a typical client session for emotional and spiritual support you’ll combine an acupuncture treatment with your ‘Wu Wei Wisdom’ talking therapy work. This integration of acupuncture with personal counselling or coaching is quite unusual – do you find that some clients are sceptical about how and why you use the acupuncture?

DJL: Most clients come to me via a referral or recommendation by someone they know who has already been to me. This means their friend or family member will have already explained to them how I work and how powerful it can be to integrate treatments such as acupuncture, Qigong healing and meditation with talking therapies such as counselling, hypnotherapy and NLP.

Occasionally a new client may be a little bit fearful of the idea of the acupuncture needles. They think they’re going to be similar a doctor’s hypodermic syringe, but actually they’re nothing like that at all! The needles are thinner than a hair and most people don’t even feel them being inserted.

The whole experience of acupuncture can be quite a positive revelation for new clients and certainly different from what they’re expecting. Once inserted into the body, the acupuncture needles activate the healing Qi spiritual energy of the client, and for most people this gives a very pleasant, peaceful and calming sensation. In fact the acupuncture treatments I give at the end of my sessions can be so relaxing for some patients that they regularly doze off on the treatment bed!

——  

AL: Although you treat and work with patients with a wide range of health problems you do specialise in emotional and spiritual health issues. How have you come to this place in your work?

DJL: Before I trained and practised Chinese Medicine I had a professional background in counselling and I have since gained qualifications in hypnotherapy and NLP. Running in parallel, and very much interwoven with this professional training, has been my study and practice to become an ordained Taoist. For me this is a spiritual and philosophical journey that I will continue forever!

I have always been very interested in talking to my clients and understanding their lifestyle, their thinking and beliefs, and tuning into the authentic essence of who they truly are – even if they themselves do not know who that person is yet!

For many clients it is these core issues that may be affecting their wellbeing and their physical, emotional or spiritual health. Over the years my particular interest in emotional and spiritual health issues has naturally grown and I guess, by the Law of Attraction, I tend to attract patients who have emotional and spiritual imbalances.

In my practice now I really enjoy combining my Taoist philosophical understanding of how to lead a healthy and balanced life, along with my Traditional Chinese therapies of acupuncture, Chinese herbs, Qigong healing and meditation, and my more modern Western ‘talking  therapies’ of counselling, coaching, hypnotherapy and NLP.

——  

AL: What would you say is a Taoist or Traditional Chinese Medicine approach to emotional or spiritual health?

DJL: In Taoist philosophy and the practice of Traditional Chinese medicine, emotional imbalances are referred to as ‘Shen disturbances’. The closest translation in the English language of ‘Shen’ is ‘spirit’.

So essentially a disturbance of the ‘emotions’ is viewed as a disturbance of the ‘spirit’ of the person. When a client is suffering from an emotional problem that would be typically be referred to in the West as: stress, anxiety or panic attacks, I would view this as a ‘Shen disturbance’ or ‘Shen imbalance’.

I would first work with the client to help them to relax and calm their mind and body, so that together we could then progress on to explore and discover what had disturbed their Shen. I normally find that this is connected to a misunderstanding a client’s thinking or beliefs.

Acupuncture can be very effective as part of this whole process because, in the first instance, putting needles into certain Shen points of the body, can settle and soothe the patient. This then helps to clear their thinking – it’s almost like clearing the water in a muddy pool.

Although this initial settling of the client’s emotions may only last for a relatively short period of a few hours or days, it gives us the time and opportunity to calmly explore and work through their thinking and beliefs together. It also offers the client the mental and emotional space to see the issues or situations they are confronted with, from a fresher, broader, and more balanced perspective.

Using acupuncture in this way, often in combination with meditation and Qigong healing, allows me to be much more effective with my talking therapy work.  It’s almost as if ‘fast-tracks’ the whole therapy process, so much so that I truly believe that together we can achieve something like three years worth of counselling work results within a matter of a few months.

Sadly, I think that in the West emotional disturbances and mental health issues may be almost like the new health epidemic and it’s something that we should all take care to address. Our society seems to hold great value in looking after our physical health, but even now in these more enlightened times, imbalances in our mental and emotion well being still can be very much misunderstood and stigmatised.

What I’m trying to do with all my work, whether it be with my private clients at Peak House Practice, my public talks and workshops, or my writing and broadcasting, is to break through these misunderstandings and show how vital and precious your mental, emotional, and in turn your spiritual health, really is to you and your unique divine potential.

I have noticed that there are more men now coming to see me for help with emotional challenges. A while ago, my work with emotional issues would have been about 80% female to 20% male clients but now this is changing. My experience is that, despite the pervasive stigma within our society, men of all ages are becoming much more aware about their mental and emotional health, which is great news.

I believe that everyone, regardless of age or sex, should value and make time to manage their emotional wellbeing in the same way they would manage their physical wellbeing. Simply by spending 10 minutes a day doing some kind of meditation can make a huge difference. This doesn’t necessarily mean sitting cross legged in front of a Buddha – it could mean walking the dog, going for a bike ride, relaxing with some gardening or crafting, practising deep breathing exercises whist waiting for the bus.  Anything can connect you to your spirit and it’s whatever works for you and helps stop your mind from running around and around, so that you can take control of your thinking and bring yourself into a more balanced, calm and authentic way of being.

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AL: Is it true that in ancient China patients would only pay to see the Chinese Medicine doctor when they were well and healthy?

DJL: This was one of the first things that I learnt when visiting China and this concept was quite interesting for me as it is profoundly different from the way we relate to our doctors in the West.

In ancient China every village had it’s own Chinese medicine doctor and the villagers would only pay the doctor with produce from their fields when they were well enough to work. So as soon as they became ill they could not work their land or pay the dues to the doctor.

This meant that the Chinese doctor would give them advice and treat them when they were fit and healthy, maintaining their Qi energy so that it was flowing, balanced and strong, and keeping them in good health.

So the whole concept of Chinese medicine, whether it’s acupuncture, Chinese herbs, Tui’na massage or Qigong meditation, is built on the premise that wellness and ‘being in balance’ is something that should not be taken for granted and that care should be taken to maintain good health and prevent illness rather than just treating illness when problems occur.

Ancient Chinese philosophy and the principles of Taoism are based on the understanding of how to best achieve and maintain this wellness of internal balance and flow, by avoiding stagnation and blockages in your Qi energy, and finding your unique harmonious flow in life or ‘Wu Wei’.

When you’re in this place of Wu Wei or ‘effortless-effort’ this means you’re well, happy and balanced in your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual self.

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AL: You controversially once said in a lecture that: ‘acupuncture has never cured anyone’. Surely that statement goes against everything you practice and believe in?

DJL: Ha, yes… I think it’s important to see beyond the headline here and look deeper into the point I was making!

I consider that wellness occurs when you’re physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually in balance and in your flow. This is actually a most natural state of being, it’s your birth-right. Another important thing to consider is that we are all natural healers. We all have the ability to self-heal.

It therefore frustrates me a little when I hear health practitioners of any type saying ‘I cured this’ and ‘I cured that’ because I believe this misrepresents what is actually happening.

I consider that what acupuncture does do is to help move and clear the blockages and stagnations of Qi or energy within an individual that are creating their ill-health. This then allows for the natural flow of energy within the body to step in, take over, and for the body to begin to rebalance and heal itself. It’s like clearing a dam in a river, once you remove the rubble and debris from the river bed the water will flow effortlessly!

So when I say acupuncture has never cured anyone, what I mean is that people cure themselves. Acupuncture simply lends a helping hand, and it can be incredibly powerful in helping facilitate and speed-up what is a natural process of self-healing.

Viewing the role of acupuncture and many other supporting therapies in this way does not diminish their value or relevance. This approach can be empowering for both the client and for me as the therapist as we are both working together with the same love and intention to stimulate and reinvigorate the healing process. This is the wonderfully vital and precious flow of energy that unites all of us and every living thing within the Cosmos.

A client’s mind-set and intention, or what the Chinese call ‘Yi’, is very much critical to this therapy approach. To ensure that the natural healing process I’ve described is fully mobilised, it’s incredibly important for the client to take full responsibility for maintaining and balancing their own health.

They should not just assume that someone or something else can do this for them and that they have no role to play.  Without their commitment and positive intention the healing cannot be truly effective. For this reason I always encourage my clients to pro-actively participate in their therapy work and treatment plan with me.

Whether it’s from them booking sessions only when they choose to, to them taking session notes, keeping a review diary, or them knowing that they can always challenge me when I suggest something they don’t understand or agree with. This connects the client to the therapy process and their healing, and this is absolutely the way it should be!

The open and honest dialogue that this type of client-therapist relationship creates is essential. I want my clients to challenge me when I say something they disagree with, because I believe in that moment of ‘challenge’ or ‘discomfort’ there is often a profound healing to be found.

This can be either because I have said something wrong, which is fantastic for me because this means I can learn something new, or, often if it doesn’t ‘FEEL’ right for the client this can also mean we have touched upon, almost like a raw nerve, a fundamental misunderstanding their thinking.  Often it can be this misunderstanding that is at the foundation of their health imbalance – in which case we have struck gold!

When working through the emotional issues that may have affected a client for a many years or even a whole lifetime, there is no doubt that it takes effort and determination from both parties involved. Both of you have to be committed to rolling up your sleeves and have the intention or ‘Yi’ to work as hard as it takes to sort it out.

One of the things I like the most about working in my own therapy practice is that there is no such thing as a typical client and that is what makes my job so very interesting! Just last week a girl of 12 years old came to me with her mum and then later that day I treated an elderly gentleman in his 80’s. I love working with such a wide spectrum of people, each with their own story, needs and expectations.

I often say to my new clients during our early sessions that ‘I may have been in these woods before, but I’ve never been on your path’. Everyone’s healing path is individual to them just as everyone’s misunderstandings and imbalances are unique to them.

It’s my job is to highlight my client’s root misunderstandings and imbalances, help facilitate their natural healing ability, and re-connect them back to their true spiritual and divine potential.

Ultimately, however, only they have the power to make the choice, with their own free-will, intention and self-determination, as to whether or not they return to that place of self-reliance, self-love and self-healing.

I feel truly honoured to be able to work with my clients through this process of personal discovery and enlightenment and to share their journey to optimum health and well being.

——

Yi Tao Qi Tao, David

 ——

Next week marks national Mental Health Awareness Week in the UK, which this year focuses on the subject of anxiety.

Anxiety and anxiety related health issues are something I work with on a daily basis as clients from all over the world contact me seeking a drug-free, alternative and spiritual solution to empower them take control of, heal and rebalance their mental health and emotional wellbeing.

If you suffer from the uncomfortable feelings that are commonly labelled as anxiety, Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD), panic-attacks or a phobia of any kind,  I’ve recorded a practical teaching and a guided meditation on the subject to help you calm your anxious mind…

You can listen to and download my teaching on anxiety awareness and treatment here:

You can listen to and download my guided mediation for anxiety and stress here:

You can read the full transcript of my teaching on anxiety awareness and treatment below:

What is anxiety?

In West anxiety is often described as worry or fear that often arises because of a perceived threat or a perception that something going wrong in the future.

Anxiety can affect you psychological health – your ability to concentrate, your sleep patterns, and your general mood. It can be like a vicious circle between your physical health and psychological wellbeing.

Around 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience a mental health problem like anxiety each year and in the US anxiety disorders affect 18% of the adult population.

You may occasionally experience fleeting and brief moments of these uncomfortable feelings that are commonly labelled in the West as anxiety,or perhaps these feelings are a more familiar, regular and ongoing for you? You may have even been diagnosed as suffering from:  panic attacks, generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) or a phobia.

I prefer not to use these emotive labels as, in my experience, they confuse, corrupt, and even negatively re-infect your thinking, and in turn can increase the uncomfortable emotional feelings that you may be experiencing.

Let’s look more deeply at anxiety – what is it really?

The term anxiety is actually a description of a range of physical feelings, such as: a churning or ‘butterflys’ in your stomach, a tightness in your chest, a weakness or tenseness in your muscles, dry mouth, dizziness etc.

I find it more helpful to call all of these feelings red-light feelings, because they are telling you something is misaligned in your thinking and that you are currently out of your spiritual balance.

These red-light feelings, no matter how unfamiliar, uncomfortable and unwelcome they may seem, are NOT your enemy, in fact they are your best friend, when used correctly. They are highlighting that you have a personal or spiritual lesson to learn in this situation – this is what the ancient Taoists call ‘a blessing’.

So you have a choice…

You can choose to learn the lesson being presented and accept the blessing by mindfully working through the process of using your feelings as a helpful spiritual guide and understanding how to love and trust your unique abilities to authentically deal with any situation you are presented with in a loving a flexible way.

Or you can choose to ignore the lesson by attempting to avoid the situations or people that have highlighted your spiritual misunderstanding and created the subsequent red-light feelings. Or you may choose to try to mask the acute red-light feelings with suppressants like alcohol, food, drugs, shopping – anything that diverts you away from having to take responsibility for the situation and your authentic thinking.

Unfortunately these types of avoidances are just an illusion, they will never work!

If you try to avoid or ignore the red-light feelings they will come back, sometimes even more acutely, as the Cosmic life lessons will re-present themselves again and again, perhaps in different way, as a  different situation or person, but they will always return until the spiritual lesson is learnt.

You need to understand that when you avoid your red-light feelings like this you are also limiting your life fulfilment, constricting your potential and, more importantly, betraying your self-worth and your Cosmic Contract.  This paradoxically increases the red-light feelings.

Remember, you have a spiritual contract with the Cosmos you came from to live your spiritual truth, so take responsibility for yourself and your life journey, honour that unique divine Oneness within you.

This process will not always be easy, straightforward or even comfortable. But the rewards are immense and profound as you raise your Qi energy vibrations and start to open yourself up to, and aligning with, the Cosmic flow of energy and love that is all around you and just waiting for you to reconnect.

You can take control right now – take the first step!

I want you to learn to be able to change your red-light feelings into green-lights, these are the feelings of joy, contentment, satisfaction and bliss.

This state of being is your birth-right. Remember, you don’t have to earn love, you are love! This is a state of inner balance and harmony, or what the ancient Chinese Taoists call Wu-Wei.  This is when you are in your flow or your ‘sweet-spot’, operating to your highest and fullest potential.

Simple things right now to regain you inner balance and find your Wu-Wei:

• Try talking to someone but ban the ‘F’ word – don’t focus on your feelings, instead examine your thoughts and beliefs that created those feelings and try and find your spiritual misalignment.

• Be soft and loving to yourself… don’t fight fire with fire as it just makes the fire bigger! Make friends with your feelings and use them as your guide: keep diary so you can become mindful of what thoughts create what feelings.  Look out for those spiritual lessons that are being presented to you every day. Be interested and happy to explore those lessons – these are your blessings!

• Develop your self-love and self-worth with healthy lifestyle habits:

 ~ Avoid excesses such as too much coffee, sugar or alcohol as these can over stimulate an already sensitive situation.
~ Find ways to positively channel your sensitivity and creative imagination by doing things you have a passion for and artistically stretch and stimulate yourself in a positive way.
~ Explore relaxation… why not try mediation or gentle exercise such as qigong, tai chi and yoga – all of these are excellent practices.

Above all, ask yourself when you encounter these life lessons: ‘is this my spiritual truth?’… and always live in your spiritual truth.

This will move you away from your red-lights and connect you back to your green-lights, your birth-right, WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

This is your spiritual journey: drop your shoulders, breathe deeply, relax – always live in your spiritual truth.

Yi Tao Qi Tao

David

The month of June has seen both Father’s Day celebrations and National Men’s Health Week in the UK. This has prompted me to share some teachings on my work supporting male clients and their physical, emotional and spiritual health.

In this interview I offer practical advice for men wanting to nurture their health and happiness, and for women seeking to understand the emotional mind-set of the men in their life. I also explore the relevance of a spiritual approach to resolving the everyday problems and challenges that men are faced with.

You can listen to my teaching on men’s emotional and spiritual health here:

You can read the full transcript of my teaching on men’s emotional and spiritual health below:

 ~~~~~

I wanted to share with you my experience and thoughts on men’s health and their physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing…

In my practice I’ve traditionally treated men mainly for physical health issues, such as pulled muscles, difficulty with their joints etc. but I’ve also noticed that more recently, men in general seem to be much more open to addressing their emotional issues and are grasping the fundamental connection between their emotions and their physical health. Men are now more happy and comfortable to use the emotional label: ‘stress’ in relation to their feelings and this is now often the first reason why they come to see me.

A lot of men feel stressed trying to meet the demands of the workplace and home and balancing the two together. This is particularly true since we’ve been through this recent very difficult economic and financial time and a lot of men have been either under the threat of redundancy or their own company has been under extreme financial pressure.

For many of my male clients these sorts of situations are very difficult to reconcile and balance and a lot of them feel that they have no one they can talk to or relate their concerns and fears without being perceived as ‘being weak’. As a result they experience the uncomfortable and often seemingly overwhelming physical feelings that we commonly call ‘stress’.

Learning how to lovingly control and discipline your mind and your thinking when going through very testing times and life situations is one of our greatest challenges as human beings. If, as a man, you hold the belief that you must always be strong, successful and unflappable in any situation, because everyone else depends on you, this misunderstanding can make life very difficult for you at times. Ironically such beliefs block your flow of energy and will stifle your inner creativity and resourcefulness when you actually need it most.

Of course, if as a man you’ve never been taught how to question your beliefs and control any unbalanced and unhealthy thinking or negative self-talk that may arise from these beliefs, it can seem difficult or time wasting to do so at first.

So a normal session with a male client would be something like them coming to me wanting to talk about their ‘stress’ in whatever form, and then hopefully we can quickly move to a place where we can explore what is at the root of these feelings. I show them how, by choosing to reject any unhealthy and unhelpful beliefs and take control their thinking they can easily and quickly neutralise and balance their emotional feelings.  This is the most efficient and effective way to control your emotional feelings.

Once they understand this teaching and how to return to their most authentic, open and creative state of Wu Wei – that place of authentic inner balance and harmony, they can easily apply it to any life situation for themselves. This process of self-discovery and self-mastery is very practical and straightforward (which men love!), and can be incredibly liberating and powerful for any man who has otherwise been used to ignoring, withholding, and suppressing their feelings or being overwhelmed by their emotions.

It can be used and perceived as an emotional toolbox!

~~~~~~

So what are the consequences of not dealing with the underlying cause of ‘stress’ for a man?

Well… the suppressed energy of a man’s emotional avoidance has to go somewhere – the nature of all energy is that should flow. It cannot and should not be held in one place, and so it will manifest in other out– of -balance elements of their life or health.

Blocked emotional energy can present itself physically in many ways but it would normally be something like a stiffness in their neck and shoulders or lower back, digestive or sexual health problems, or an inability to have a good night sleep. In terms of their lifestyle a man may be drinking and smoking too much or gambling as a form of emotional avoidance. They may be pulling themselves away from their family and home life, or creating a sense of isolation by working long hours in the office or bringing their work home with them and not be able to switch off.

Again, all these physical health or lifestyle issues are the type of things men often find easier to talk to me about in the first instance before we can comfortably move on to explore the much deeper or root emotional issues that need to be resolved.

In actual fact, some men may NOT initially consider their problems as emotional because they do not want to admit to it themselves. Many men are fearful that their emotions could be seen as a weakness or failure within them and so they are much happier to talk in general terms about ‘stress’ or ‘not been able to sleep’ or ‘smoking or drinking too much’.

I believe that emotions are a Universal and natural feature of the human condition and that we are all part of this Oneness. When a man can grasp that emotions are not a weakness at all, but are actually a great strength, asset and powerful ally IF understood and used correctly then their whole outlook changes.

~~~~~

Occasionally a frustrated female client will ask me if there is merit in giving their partner or husband a copy of the popular book ‘Men are From Mars – Women Are From Venus’ by John Grey, in order to help their men work on their emotions … but there’s definitely no one-size fits all solution I’m afraid! 

Some men could enjoy the book and they will see themselves in it and can relate to what is written… but I also think a lot of men would have difficulty in reading the book and would find it even more confusing.

The reason for this is that many men are looking for a practical fix for their problems and don’t want to identify or associate with other men’s ‘issues’ and the deeper emotional psychology of mankind!

Having said that, the concept presented in the book of a man ‘going into his cave’ is certainly something that I see men do a lot. When encountering a difficult or threatening situation a man will often isolate himself in order to focus on the perceived problem at hand. This is often done because they believe that they can’t rely on or trust anyone else to deal with the situation, and so they become very single-minded and narrowly focussed on the problem. But this also means they start to overlook and limit all of the possible scenarios, solutions and outcomes to a situation.

In these situations I would encourage them to learn to trust that venturing out of their ‘emotional cave’ can be a good thing! Being more open and talking to someone else can often open up more possibilities and bring about a swifter and more positive resolution to life’s challenges.

It’s for this reason that some practical one-to-one coaching and guidance can really help men in these sorts of situations. I often refer to it as ‘sitting with it’. I like to sit in the middle of the problem or issue with my male clients, whether it’s in a face-to face session with me at Peak House Practice in Derbyshire or a Skype session with a client someone 1000’s of miles away. We then drill down and shine a torch-light on the route strands of the situation in hand and then kick around several ideas and solutions until we find one that feels right for them.

I always remind them that if you have only one solution, you have a problem. Two solutions you have a dilemma, three or more solutions you have authentic choice!

These tailor made outcomes are bespoke to each client and this can feel more comfortable for my male clients who don’t want to be offered a generalised stereotype or a mass market solution to an problem that is very personal to them.

They can then go away try out and test some of the practical steps, then come back, give me their feedback and we can tweak and adjust the next steps and actions accordingly to make it good fit for them.

By using this process, their emotional intelligence and emotional mastery skills become honed and crafted into a balanced, harmonious and well-oiled-machine that serves them well for many years to come!

~~~~~

So what place has spirituality within men’s practical health and life issues?

I believe all matters of emotional and physical balance and harmony are spiritual issues… I think a lot of men have great difficulty in embracing the idea of their own spirituality, compared to women who often find exploring their spirituality far easier.

Many men have been bought up in an environment and taught that they ‘should be tough‘, that ‘boys don’t cry‘, that ‘they should pull themselves together‘ and ‘not be a sissy‘ etc.

So I think that one of the greatest challenges I have with my male clients is to explain to them that, no matter how well intentioned, these are poor and even incorrect teachings, and that connecting to their spirituality means having integrity and being truthful and honest with themselves and how they life their life.

Being spiritual is not about being religious, nor is it about what many people think of as New Age mumbo-jumbo, it’s actually about believing, thinking and doing what feels authentically right for you, NOT what is or was right for your parents, teachers, peers or significant others your life.

~~~~~

Taoist’s teach that the male energy is naturally is more Yang than that of a female – taken to its extreme this means a propensity for being loud, boisterous, extroverted and showing off, or of course the direct opposite. But this too can be a generalisation and stereotype and so this is why I prefer to diagnose and treat each client on an individual basis.

It can, however, be useful for some of my male clients to understand the qualities and characteristics of Yang and to teach them how not to overstimulate this energy but instead bring it back into a balance by encouraging them to cherish and explore the softer and more thoughtful and loving qualities of their energy.

This teaching has also been useful for many of my clients who are parents to boys. Many parents will ask me for advice on nurturing their children’s spirit and energy and I believe the key, whether it be for boys or girls, is to encourage their individuality and self-expression.

Every human being has an element of self-doubt so as early as possible a parent should try and deal with this seed of doubt. Talk it through with your child… help them understand they will make mistakes, they don’t have to be perfect, and that above all else they are divine! Remember: expectations or criticism never motivate and will only serve to inflame their self-doubt.

Empowerment for many men comes from freeing themselves from the heavy shackles of the male stereotype which has been forced on them from external sources throughout their life and allowing themselves to reconnect with a much more powerful force within: their true spiritual nature.

This spiritual nature is the Yin part of all of us. It is the most dominant, resourceful, creative and creative force within – it is who you REALLY are. The rest of the fears, comparisons, achievements, are is merely an illusion constructed by the human Yang mind or what some people call the Ego – this is what separates you from the Oneness of everyone else and the Cosmos and makes you fearful and insecure.

When a man can reconnect to his spiritual nature this will provide him with an unwavering and a solid anchor and guide during any uncharted and challenging times in his life. Their Yin spiritual nature is soft and yielding, it does not shout, scream or push excessively or aggressively like the Yang mind does, yet it get things get done! Remember softness does not mean weakness – the Taoist teaching is the Yin part of us is ‘the iron fist in a velvet glove’!

~~~~~

Many men ask me how can being spiritual help with the practical, real life problem they are facing right now?

Well…. when I counsel and coach men on finding the healthy and harmonious Wu Wei balance in their life situations, whether it’s dealing with a particular family or relationship matter, or resolving a cash flow or staffing problem in their business, we are also dealing with a practical spiritual matter!

We are working at first unblocking and defining their spiritual energy or Qi (Chi) and balancing and harmonising this with the spiritual energy of their partner, other family members, their business, its assets or staff.

This means that the spiritual energy and intention they put into their relationship or business should be a true and authentic reflection of who they are and what they are passionate about. Once this is in order we then working towards nurturing the dynamic energy of the relationship or business so that it flows as smoothly and harmoniously as possible. This is what I refer to as Wu Wei, the state of effortless-effort.

Yi Tao Qi Tao,

David

I wanted to devote this short introductory teaching to the extreme side of your Yang mind and its child-like energy, as it can affect all of us at some point in our lives.

I’ve observed that if not appropriately loved, guided and educated, your Yang mind in its extreme can negatively affect your general health and well-being, happiness and life potential in the long-term. In other words: your mind, body and spirit….

You can listen to my introductory teaching on your Yin Yang Mind and Inner Child here:

You can read the full transcript of my introductory teaching your Yin Yang Mind and Inner Child below.

P.S. I’m also producing an extended Wu Wei Wisdom teaching on the subject of your Yang Inner-Child, which will be available in September 2014. In this extended teaching you’ll learn:

• How to identify when your Yang Inner Child is affecting you emotions, thoughts, words and actions and life purpose and potential.
• How to uncover and explore the childhood circumstances that have created your Yang Inner-Child.
• I’ll offer you a range of proven and practical spiritual tips and techniques to take control of your Yang InnerChild and your life.
• You’ll also benefit from a range of powerful spiritual enquiry questions, affirmations and healing guided meditations to help you discover, reconnect to and manage your Yang Inner-Child for inner clarity, balance, harmony and peace.

~~~~~

TRANSCRIPT OF INTRODUCTORY TEACHING ON THE INNER-CHILD

……I’d like to step back for a moment to first consider the wholeness and oneness of your unique and authentic energy. You should understand that this can present itself with two very different characteristics. Although interdependent and mutually supportive, the nature of these two characteristics can at times create confusion and turmoil as they attempt to coexist and cooperate with each other within the wholeness or oneness of your energy.

On one hand your energy can manifest as the playful, joyful, spirited, open, non-judgemental, inquisitive and the expansive side of your nature. These are the qualities that reflect the softer, spiritually-centred and spiritually-connected ‘Yin’ part of who you are – this is what the Taoists teach as ‘Shen’.

There is another characteristic of your energy, more childlike and immature, that resides within the human-centred ‘Yang’ manifestation of your oneness. This arises strongly when the energy of your human Yang mind perceives itself to be under threat, exposed or facing the unknown. It becomes volatile, unbalanced and moves into its extreme as a form of self-protection.

In this extreme state your Yang energy is more disruptive and expressed most notably through your emotions of fear and self-doubt. The Taoists teach this as a ‘Shen disturbance’, a state of energy being far removed from your authentic, harmonious inner balance, inner peace and ‘Wu Wei’.

It is these two extremes of the same energy that people find so confusing and difficult to recognise.

In its extreme your volatile Yang energy behaves much in the same way as an unruly, immature and out-of-control child, and will create a sense of chaos and disorder in your thinking and emotions. This is why many people also refer to this energetic expression of themselves as their ‘inner-child’, another popular term for this out of balance energy would be ‘the Ego’.

The discomfort your extreme Yang mind causes you to crave to return back to the familiarity and safety of ‘how things were before’, even if this has never been successful for you. Your extreme Yang mind wants to be safe and secure above anything else! 

——–

I lovingly meet and greet my client’s extreme Yang energy on a daily basis in my therapy work at Peak House Practice…

The energetic diagnosis and subsequent harmonising and rebalancing of both their Yin and Yang energies, be it physical, emotional or spiritual, is what they come to me for guidance, help and support with – even though they may not necessarily fully understand or appreciate this when we first meet!

I also want you to know that this expression of energetic extreme is not just confined to the safety and comfort of my therapy room. I often observe it in action in my everyday life as I encounter people who exhibit the tell tale signs of their Yang inner-child whilst going about their business. I too am not immune and I’m pretty sure my wife would tell you that she also endures my occasional extremes of Yang energy at times!

Everyone will experience this energetic state of being at some point in their life. It is part of humanity’s journey and this is why it’s such a universally relevant and important issue to explore and make sense of today.

The key is to be able to recognise these extremes of energy and understand their trigger or cause when they arise, either within you or someone you love, so that you can learn to lovingly support and rebalance the energy as quickly as possible!

Your Yin and Yang energy will always ebb, flow and transform, as is the nature of all energy in the Cosmos. Guided by misunderstandings in your belief system it can swing into its extreme state because of the people, events and situations you encounter.

But never forget part of our journey is to understand how these two characteristics are not opposite, separate or at ‘warring states’. They have to coexist and cooperate, they are one. A Taoist proverb states “bees need flowers, flowers need bees” and this equally applies to the Yin and Yang characteristics of your mind.

——–

So where does the extreme energy of your Yang mind Inner-Child come from?

Well… in my experience, your Yang mind energy is first moved to its extreme during your childhood or adolescence years, and this is normally because you’re sensitivity has matured much earlier than your cognitive reasoning, and so this creates an energetic imbalance within you.

What happens then is the familiarity of your experiences or environment can hold you into becoming ‘blocked’ and ‘stuck’ in this extreme energy. And so it is that your child-like traits of thinking and doing are repeated time and time again, almost like they are connected to an ‘emotional loop’ on constant replay.

This pattern can easily continue through your teen years and well into your adult life. Even though it is energetically unnatural and unhealthy to do so, it has now become familiar way of thinking. With your child-like misplaced determination and misguided beliefs you now perceive being familiar, safer or the ‘lesser of two evils’.

An extreme of Yang energy can arise during these important childhood and adolescent years. This is often when an emotionally significant, unfamiliar, challenging or traumatic experience or a series of events, trigger uncomfortable, upsetting and seemingly overwhelming feelings within you, and you believe it is beyond your capability to deal with these emotions.

At this young age it is understandable that, if you’re not appropriately guided by an adult, you will be left unable to make sense of and logically rationalise what is happening to you. So you’re left being confused, rejected, unloved, abandoned, guilty, ashamed, sad, or frustrated. The full spectrum of childhood emotions are being created by your misunderstanding and childlike thoughts and you can’t figure out or understand why this is, or even what’s happening to you.

And so the energy of your child-like Yang mind becomes paralysed, frozen and trapped in that scary moment of time. From then onwards you begin to question, doubt and blame yourself as being the only way out of this dilemma.

You begin to fear the world around you, perceive you are alone and a victim, “not enough” to be unable to manage or cope. You begin to reject and move away from everyone and everything including your divine spiritual nature and your ability to connect with and share in the magnificence of the Cosmos. 

——–

So how can you harmonise and rebalance your Yang mind and Inner-Child and take control of your life?

Well…. many people think that their Yang mind, Inner-Child or Ego is their enemy to be battled with or something to be ashamed of. I’d like you to understand that this is definitely not the case – it’s just the oneness of the energy of your beautiful mind in its Yang extremities, and it badly needs help, support and above all love.

The Yang mind can be very misguided, needy, fearful and scared, but never underestimate its strength of determination and stubbornness. What it craves is some loving, calm, authentic and logical spiritual guidance that will help it develop and mature into its majestic beauty and fullness. Although you shouldn’t be surprised if it rejects this in the first instance! Remember it is childlike and very stubborn!

Many people believe that this energetic transformation and rebalancing is something that will take years or a whole lifetime to achieve but this is not true!

Once your Yang inner-child begins to trust this process and feels loved and supported, it will start to enjoy the emotional education process and participate openly and freely. The Taoists teach this as a “blessing” and when you feel able to receive the blessing, changes will happen surprisingly quickly.

You’ll be amazed how swiftly the energy of your mind, your thoughts, your actions and therefore your life re-balances and re-harmonises in a very positive way as you regain your authenticity and life’s purpose. This is Wu Wei or ‘effortless effort’.

Yi Tao Qi Tao

David

I’d like to share with you some tips on how to keep healthy and harmonious during the Winter season…

You can listen to my teaching on Winter health here:

You can read the full transcript of my teaching on Winter health below:

~~~~~

In traditional Chinese medicine and Taoism the season of Winter is connected with the Water element and is physically related to the organ and meridian system of the Kidneys and Bladder, and the associated emotion is that of ‘fear’.

Winter is ‘Yin’ in nature – it is inactive, cold, and damp. The cold and darkness of the season encourages us to slow down and conserve and replenish our physical, mental and emotional energy in preparation for the outburst and growth of new life and energy in the Spring!

Taoists teach that you should always align and harmonise your energy with the current season, the translation of this concept is ‘appropriateness’. You can attune to the energies and qualities of the Winter season and the Water element through three virtues: your lifestyle, diet and spiritual health practices. 

Nurturing the Kidneys and Bladder this Winter

So I’d like to first review some lifestyle habits to help support you this season… 

Winter is all about balancing and harmonising your Water element and protecting and nurturing its associated organs – the Kidneys (which are Yang) and Bladder (which is Yin), in order to maintain good physical and emotional health.

When functioning correctly the Kidneys and Bladder hold onto and then appropriately release fluids. In traditional Chinese medicine, the Kidney is known as the ‘Minister of Power’, and is regarded as the body’s most important store or reserve of essential energy or Qi.

The strong health of the Kidneys is essential so any stored energy can be readily available for use in times of environmental or emotional change or stress, as well as to heal and prevent illness.

The Bladder is referred to as the ‘Minister of the Reservoir’ and is responsible for managing and excreting the urinary waste fluids passed down from the Kidneys.

During the Winter months it is important to nurture and nourish your Kidney Qi as this is the time where this energy can be most easily depleted. As you age, your Kidney Qi energy also naturally declines, so the older you are, the more susceptible you are to the impact of the Winter months.

An imbalance in the Water element or depleted Kidney Qi can affect the aging process, your hair condition, your ears and hearing, and your bones and joints. A Water/Kidney imbalance commonly manifests in a weak lower back, a dull aching pain in the lumber region, or being more prone to lower back, knee disorders and arthritic conditions. It can also lead to sexual and fertility disorders in both men and women.

As an acupuncturist I would always consider treating the Water element and the associated Kidney and Bladder meridians in any Winter treatment plan, especially if the patient is over the age of 45 when the waning of the Water element and Kidney Qi is a natural phenomenon. 

Winter Lifestyle Habits: Balancing Your Water Element

So what can YOU do to balance and harmonise your Water element this season?…

Well… resting appropriately will help replenish your Kidney Qi and conserve your physical energy… but this is not an excuse for Winter hibernation!

Always remember that the benefits of resting well should be balanced with the need to simulate and move Qi around the body! So a brisk lunchtime or weekend walk is perfect for improving the circulation of Qi and blood flow, and is also great for topping up your vitamin D levels during these months of diminished sunshine.

You must try to keep your lower back and Kidney area warm during the Winter, and certainly leave any garden digging or general heavy lifting, which can easily put a strain on your lower back, until Spring!

Energetic health practices, such as Qigong or yoga, which encourage the flow of Qi energy around the body and the warming of the core area, are an excellent way to stimulate and boost your Kidney Qi.

Winter Qigong to Support and Boost your Kidney Qi

A simple and very effective qigong exercise for stimulating the Kidney energy that I teach in my classes and workshops at Peak House Practice involves the following steps:

• Start in the opening qigong stance or ‘Wu Ji’ – this means standing with your feet shoulder width apart, softening the knees a little by bending them slightly and tilting your pelvis a forward. You should feel your centre of balance in this position.

• When you are comfortable, lightly close your eyes. Ensure that your weight is distributed between your heel and the ball of your foot, so that it feels a little ‘flat footed’ – the powerful opening of the Kidney meridian called ‘Bubbling Spring’ is located at this middle point in the sole of your foot.

• Now place your hands on your lower back with palms facing inwards. Gently move your hands from side to side, massaging and warming the lower back. If you can’t reach your lower back don’t worry. Rubbing your abdomen about 1-2 inches below the belly button will also work as it stimulates a crucial acupressure point and activates what Taoists refer to as the ‘lower Dan Tien’, which in turn stimulates the Kidneys.

• As you gently massage, allow yourself to visualize a soothing ocean wave flowing over your hands. Imagine that this flow of water washes away any fears, tensions, pain or discomfort in mind and body.

• Another variation on this exercise involves placing your hand as clenched fists on your lower back and rubbing this area more vigorously to stimulate the movement of Kidney Qi energy here. You can watch this particular exercise in my ‘Eight Silken Brocade Qigong’ video on my YouTube channel. 

Winter Diet Tips to Balance Your Water Element

Ok, so let’s consider how you can adapt your diet to the Winter season…

Eating in a balanced way and keeping hydrated will prevent a stagnation of fluid in the Kidneys and Bladder and will help support your Kidney Qi.

Avoid raw foods during the Winter as much as possible, as these tend to cool the body. Warming food, such as soups and stews, root vegetables, beans, garlic and ginger, are perfect for you at this time of year.

Salty foods, such as salty fish, should be avoided as they have a diuretic effect on the Kidneys and Bladder. You should also reduce your consumption of chilli peppers, smoked foods or excessive amounts of alcohol if you can.

A healthy diet for strengthening your Water element this season would include:

• Rice (especially brown rice), spaghetti and linseed
• Beans, sprouts and tofu.
• White cabbage, yam, potatoes and mushrooms.
• Beef, chicken, lamb and mussels
• Grapes, grapefruit, melon and strawberries. 

Winter Emotional and Spiritual Health Tips

So finally, and perhaps most importantly, I’d like to review some emotional and spiritual health practices that are relevant to the Winter season…

Excessive fear damages the Kidney energy and causes it to descend, sometimes resulting in a loss of bladder control – this is why we often have a tendency to want to urinate when we get nervous!

The Taoist masters teach that if the Kidney energy is weak this also means you will be prone to experience chronic fear. Working on harmonising your emotions and emotional health is therefore the most important thing you can do to support your Water element and nurture your Kidney and Bladder energy. 

Even if you ate well, and rested and exercised in a balanced way following the tips I have suggested, choosing to ignore any underlying fears, stress, anxieties or worries you may be holding onto will undermine the benefits of these healthy living practices. The power of your mind and emotions on your physical health and whole wellbeing should NEVER be underestimated! 

Many new clients come to me at this time of year because they are affected by what is referred to in the West as ‘Seasonal Affective Disorder’ (SAD), or they suffer from symptoms of low energy, depression and mood swings during the Winter months.

In Chinese medicine this excessive introspection, or an increase in worry, fear and depression is very much associated with the Water element and an imbalance of the Kidney and Bladder energy, and for some people this can become much more acute right now. 

All of the Chinese medicine elements of Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal and Water are interactive, mutually supportive and should be maintained within a loving balance and harmony. I do, however, have a particularly strong affinity to the Water element because of my day to day work as a therapist specialising in treating individuals suffering from emotional imbalances.

A high percentage of my clients have difficulty in balancing and harmonising their emotions of fear and stress because of the powerful and disturbing physical sensations it creates, including palpitations, tightness in the chest, churning in the stomach, dry mouth, headaches, sweating, panic attacks etc.

When you are fearful in this way it encourages the introverted nature that harms the Water element – a physical, emotional and spiritual state of ‘closing down’ and becoming guarded and isolated from the world around you. This imbalance in the Water element will in turn create a disharmony in the fine balance of the other four elements within your body and their associated organs.

The strong relationship between the Water element and its associated Kidney and Bladder organs, and the Fire element and its associated organs of the Heart, Pericardium, Small Intestine and Triple Burner, are particularly important.

The Fire ~ Water relationship is often closely connected to symptoms of depression, anxiety and stress and so, as a traditional Chinese medicine practitioner and counsellor, understanding and harmonising the relationship and balance between these two elements is often part of my treatment plan with clients.

Emotional Self-Healing this Winter

There are many things you can do to strengthen your emotional health and balance your Water element this Winter.  As the season of stillness, Winter is a great time for personal meditation and reflection.

The colder weather encourages you to slow down and this opens up opportunities for making time for deeper thought and bringing to the surface any unresolved emotional matters. Acknowledging, owing and creatively addressing the origins of any stress, worries or fears that you may have reflects the Wu Wei process of self-discovery and self-healing that I work through with my clients:  ‘Find It, Own It, Change It’.

So, when you next encounter external situations, issues or people that generate the physical ‘red warning lights’ that you may label as ‘fear’, you can begin to manage and eliminate these feelings by meditating on the personal beliefs and thoughts, what the Taoists refer to as ‘TE’, that are at the root of these emotions.

Christmas, with its changes of routine and the new expectations and demands it may bring, can be a particularly challenging time for many people. If uncomfortable and unwanted emotions or fears surface for you over the Christmas period, my message is for you to lovingly address these in a way that is truthful, honest and done with your highest integrity.

There is NO enemy inside, you have a choice, so choose your higher-self. This intention and action will nourish your Kidney, Bladder and Water element using your own Wu Wei Wisdom.

Remember:

You came from a place of love not fear,

you will return to a place of love not fear,

you ARE love. 

Taoist blessings for a wonderful Winter Season

Yi Tao Qi Tao,

David

In this short teaching I’ll reveal the three fundamental lies that stop you from living a life filled with love.

You can listen to my ‘Overcoming the 3 Lies that Block the Flow of Love’ teaching and guided meditation here:

 If the audio player above does not work you can also listen here.

You can read the full transcript of this teaching and meditation below:

~~~~~

The Taoist teaching on love

I received this teaching from the Taoist masters in the sacred Wudang Mountains of China. It’s many thousands of years old and yet it still holds true for humanity today and strongly resonates with the clients I work with on a daily basis at Peak House Practice, some of whom come to me suffering with among other things: stress, anxiety, hopelessness, lack of confidence or relationship difficulties.

Love is your natural state of being. Love is the energy that is all around you. It is the vibration and essence of every part of the Cosmos and every living thing. The Taoists refer to this energy as Qi.

You come from a place of pure authentic love, whatever you believe that source place to be, you will return to a place of pure love, therefore you are pure love.

So what stops you from living in this state of love and bliss, and enjoying loving relationships with yourself, your partner, family and friends?

Simply, you disconnect from who you really are – pure love. You start to question and doubt your own divine magnificence. You disconnect from the energy of love that is all around you. It’s an abundant and unlimited cosmic commodity that is right there waiting for you to receive it, if you choose to make yourself open and ready to receive.

Experiencing and enjoying deep and lasting self-love and loving relationships is something you were born to do. It’s part of your amazing spiritual journey. Love is NOT something you have to earn or ‘work at’. Love flows naturally if you allow it to.

So what stops the love from flowing?  

YOU DO!

You create the blocks that stop you from living a life filled with the higher vibration of love. You put in place the mental, emotional, spiritual and physical restrictions that create an energetic dam, which diverts the flow of healthy of Qi, energy and love away from you. You choose to reject this blissful state of being that is your birth right.

So what are these blocks?

They are what I refer to as the misunderstandings, illusions or more powerfully the lies that your Yang Ego Mind convinces you are the truth. They are the powerfully poisonous beliefs that you subconsciously choose to live your life by and which separate you from the flow of love.

Let’s expose these lies right now… 

LIE 1: ‘I’m not good enough’

Criticising yourself, comparing yourself negatively with others and believing you are anything less than the divine being you really are, is a lie.

Your Yang Ego Mind wants you to doubt yourself because it creates the fear that keeps you going round and round a emotional carousel as a misguided form of safety and self-protection that will never work. 

Conversely, your Yin Spirit knows that you are a unique precious gift to humanity with an unlimited capacity to give and receive love. 

Criticising or looking down on others to make yourself feel better is also a destructive habit of the Yang Ego Mind. Perversely this does not generate self-love but self-loathing. And yet this habit can be like a familiar comfort-blanket that smothers the love and life out of you. 

Your Yin spirit understands Oneness and knows that you can never be better or worse than anyone else. Within this knowing there is deep love.  

You already have enough. You are enough.

LIE 2: ‘I can’t cope’

Your Yang Ego Mind convinces you that you are ‘empty’, ‘needy’ and unable to cope with life in some way, so you work hard at earning positive strokes from others to reassure you and make you feel whole. 

You give out effort and love in the hope that you can receive it back. This is profound manipulation of the natural way and flow of energy and love. Any relationship based on this lie is doomed to failure. 

Equally, you can never find ever-lasting love, comfort, reassurance, safety and fulfillment from overeating, overspending, drinking, drugs, gambling etc.  

Your Yin spirit knows that your everlasting source of love, strength, resourcefulness and spiritual nourishment is from your source, the Cosmos, not from other people or things. Your Yin Spirit knows that you can give love freely but that there should be no expectation or need for anything in return. 

Reflect back on your life. You have always coped. You will always cope. There is nothing beyond your capabilities. 

LIE 3: ‘I am unlovable – loving myself is selfish’ 

In your darkest of moments your Yang Ego Mind may convince you that you’re not deserving of love. It may even tell you that being hard on yourself is a way to better yourself, a kind of perverse negative motivator to self-improvement. 

Your Yang Ego Mind may trick you into thinking that being kind, loving and nurturing to yourself, in your thoughts and how you talk to yourself (your self-talk) as well as your actions, is not important. 

It will tell you that self-love is secondary in quality to love from others. It will convince you that taking time to nurture yourself is being selfish, that there’s not enough time, that it’s a waste of time, or that other people or things must take priority. 

These are ALL illusions that divert the flow of Qi, energy and love from the Cosmos away from you. 

When you reject the practice of self-love in this way it’s like putting up an umbrella that redirects the downpour of love from Source onto someone or something else. You’re sending out a vibration to the Cosmos that says: ‘I don’t want this love’, ‘I’m not deserving’, ‘let the love rain down on someone else’. And then you wonder why you feel empty?! 

Your Yin Spirit knows that, through the practices of self-respect, self-nurturing and self-love, you open your heart and mind ready to receive boundless love and support from the Cosmos. This is the Law of Attraction and what Taoists teach as ‘Yi Tao Qi Tao’. 

You no longer reject what is your birth right. You become an energetic conduit for love. The love then flows into and through you. You can give love freely, nurture and cultivate authentic loving relationships, and yet you will never be depleted or needy of love. You are now connected to Source. 

Letting go of the lies – a meditation

Can you now begin to understand how even just one of these three toxic lies or beliefs can create an energetic shockwave like a tsunami that pushes against the natural flow of love in your life? 

The ancient Taoist teaching of ‘Ch’ang’ – self-love and self-nurturing, exposes all of these Yang Mind Ego misunderstandings for what they are. It reveals how the seeds of self-doubt often originate in your childhood environment and how practicing self-love can positively invoke the Law of Attraction. I have produced an extended Wu Wei Wisdom audio teaching on this profound subject. 

For now I’d like you to spend some time quietly meditating on this subject. Find a comfortable and quiet place where you know you won’t be disturbed for the next 10 minutes. 

Pause, drop your shoulders and breathe slowly, deeply and rhythmically. Allow your body to relax and just follow your breath. Allow your mind to calm and settle. 

Have no expectations of ‘emptying the mind’, this is another Yang Ego Mind illusion. Allow thoughts to come and go like passing clouds, and instead just focus on the breath. 

Breathe in with love, breathe out with gratitude. 

Right now you are beginning the practice of self-love and self-nurturing simply by taking time to follow this teaching. 

Now ask yourself:

Do I hold any Yang Ego Mind ‘lies’ within my thinking that are stopping the flow of love in my life? 

Do I believe I am not good enough, unlovable, not worthy of love?

This is not the truth – LET IT GO! 

Do I believe that comparing myself against others, criticising or finding fault in myself or others will make me love me more? 

This is not the truth – LET IT GO! 

Do I believe I need love and reassurance from others, or a better partner, income, house, car or wardrobe to make me feel whole or good about myself?

This is not the truth – LET IT GO! 

Do I believe that being kind and loving towards myself, and treating myself with the respect I treat others with is time-wasting, self-indulgent and selfish?

This is not the truth – LET IT GO!

As you begin to question and reject these toxic Yang Ego Mind beliefs the energy of love will IMMEDIATELY begin to flow into your life. The Taoists teach this process as enabling the ‘cosmic helpers’. 

Maintaining the flow of love

It’s likely that some of these beliefs may have been in place from your early childhood and so to fully and permanently root them out you’ll need to spend some time ensuring they don’t creep back into your subconscious thinking.

The good news is that now you are aware of these lies you can choose to reject them on a daily basis. 

Here are few affirmations that will help you reconnect to love. You can use these as a starting point but feel free to create others that are more authentic and powerful to you.

• I choose to say ‘STOP! NO! This is not my truth!’, when I hear the negative self-talk of my Yang Ego Mind. 
• I choose to mindfully weed out and reject all forms of criticism of myself and others.
• I choose to trust that my sustaining source of energy and love is not from others or from material things, but is from my spiritual connection to the Cosmos.
• I choose to practice self-love and self-nurturing every day as an unselfish act.
• I choose to align with my Yin Spirit nature.
• I choose a path of love not fear

I hope these teachings have awakened the love within you, until we speak again,

Yi Tao Qi Tao

David